- What is Domestic Violence?
- What Are The Warning Signs?
- How Does The Abuser Maintain Control of The Victim?

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to establish power and control over an intimate partner often leading to the threat or use of violence. Abuse is any controlling, hurtful act, word, or gesture that injures another's body or emotions. Domestic violence is not a disagreement, a marital spat, or an anger management problem.

Domestic abuse takes many forms. Following are examples of abusive behaviors. If you suspect abuse but do not witness one of these behaviors, do not discount it; call CASA at 727-895-4912.

Verbal Abuse
Does your partner say things that shame, ridicule, or insult you:

• You’re stupid, fat, ugly, etc.
• You can’t do anything right.
• You’ll never get a job.
• You’re an unfit parent.
• You don’t deserve anything.
• Who would want you?

• Accuse you of having affairs
• Keep you from family and friends
• Confuse you with promises and lies
• Take your keys or damage your car
• Take or destroy important papers

• Not allow pet to receive care and food
• Intentionally hit, kick or throw pet
• Injure pet as a threat to you or your children

• Forbid you to work
• Forbid you to have money unless it is for a specific purchase, requiring detailed documentation after the purchase
• Require that you give up your paycheck

• Force you to have sex
• Force you into unwanted sexual practices
• Criticize your sexual performance
• Force you to have sex with others
• Withhold sex and affection as a tool to manipulate your behavior

• Hit, slap, shove, strangle, kick you or your children
• Threaten or hurt you with a weapon
• Throw objects at you

What are the Warning Signs?

• Jealousy -In the beginning of a relationship, jealousy may seem like an expression of love or concern. As time passes, however, jealousy turns to entitlement and possession. This can include falsely accusing you of having sex with others. Jealous behavior begins to isolate the victim, who may stop seeing friends, family and spiritual advisors in order to please the jealous partner.

• Use of Violence - Abusers may have a history of using force or violence to solve problems. They may display a quick temper, overreact to little problems and frustrations of everyday life, throw objects, punch walls, be cruel to animals, and have a criminal record for violence.

• Substance Abuse - There is a strong link between violence and abuse of alcohol and other drugs, but these are separate issues and need to be dealt with separately. The domestic abuser uses substance abuse to excuse offensive and hurtful behavior. The substance abuse does not cause, or excuse the abusive behavior.

• Rigid Gender Roles - With this there is a sense of entitlement to be "in charge" in the relationship. The abuser strongly subscribes to rigid, stereotypical gender roles. Tradition, culture and religion are used to justify abuse.

• Weapons - Availability of weapons, or threatening to use them, increases the risk of homicide and/or suicide. Note: The abuser may attempt to disguise a threat to use a weapon, for example, “cleaning” a weapon during an argument.

• Family History - Children who grow up in abusive families may believe that violence is normal behavior.

How Does the Abuser Maintain Control Over the Victim?

Domestic abuse affects people of all cultures, religions, ages, sexual orientations, educational backgrounds and income levels. Victims are frequently blamed by friends, family and coworkers, as well as by their abusers.

“Why does she stay?” is a common question. By blaming the survivor we take the focus from the abuser, whose behavior go unchecked. In fact, the community becomes an accomplice to the abuser, completing the isolation and fear experienced by the survivor.

Following is a partial list of factors that affect survivors making the decision to leave:

• Fear – The survivor realistically fears that the abuser will become more violent and maybe even become lethal if an attempt is made to leave. One of the most dangerous times for a survivor is when the decision has been made to leave the relationship. The abuser perceives a loss of power and control and lethality increases.
• Isolation – Because both the abusers and survivors may have limited contact with the outside world, survivors may not be aware of community resources like CASA that will support them as they prepare to leave.
• Finances – Reduced financial circumstances, the desire to provide for children, credit responsibilities, housing and transportation needs place a heavy financial burden on survivors. The abuser may have restricted educational and employment opportunities, leaving the survivor less employment options.
• Cultural, Social, and Spiritual Values – Family, cultural and religious values may have a strong influence over a victim. If divorce is shameful to the family, if clergy does not support the survivor’s safety plan, or if the survivor’s cultural community is disapproving, the survivor’s decision to leave is much more difficult and requires tremendous courage.
• Love – Abusive relationships are not violent all the time. Along with the abuse there is a mix of good times, love and hope. There are fond memories, emotional ties and commitments. Survivors may not want the relationship to end, just the abuse.